Just when i thought..

I never know ..
Im a thorn in ur flesh.

You are the dearest to me ;
i dont knw why u can say all those words out of ur mouth .
All the promise you made.
Thy are just broken with just a few words.

I have not cried so hard since so long le.
The tears of anger ; disappointment.
The signs of my heart breaking into pieces.

Just because of my bad attitude for the mere 10 min.
And im totally condemned. What is this ?
The sad reality of a family, i suppose.

Many times i wan to give up.
But i cant.. Because i hold a belief that you all love me for who am i.
And so i manage to put up with all the unreasonable requests.
Yet, one wrong move, im in the wrong.
Much as i feel that i am not in the wrong.
You guys never fail to make me feel guilty.
When in actual fact, my sister is the one in the wrong.
So wad if i am the oldest ?
The one who always obtain gd results?

Your dont wan to acknowledge my religion,
i accept it.
Your dont wan to acknowledge my hardwork,
i accept it.
Your dont appreciate my results,
i accept it.
All the blames, i took it all.
What you all expect me to do ?
Just go and die like your suggested?
How i wish things can be as easy as dying.

I'm not talking about a teeny weeny phone right here, now.
This is how i feel for the past 15 years.
Never once feel warmth in this family.
Not once. My sister is always in the right.
Im the unreasonable one. Me. I understands.

I'm so tired..
Tired of being a goody-two-shoes.
Tired of your fucking attitude towards me.
Dun make me hate u two.
So wad if you are the eldest? And i need to respect you ?
I dun fucking care about all the conventions.
Nope, i dont.

Noone understands how i feel.
I dun care. I shall keep to myself.
Who knws, i might move out someday.
There is always a limit to patience.
Stop testing me.
Im going bersek soon.